Well, I guess this is pretty much my goodbye for a little while. Are you going to miss to miss me? Am I worth it? Of course not. I’m just nobody that’s a shadow on the other side of the internet world, spilling my long drawn out weary breathless lingo to you and many others. No I’m no one. But you will be missed. Have I ever told you how much you meant to me? Need I tell you who you are? You should automatically know. And, I am truly sorry for not reading your diary consistently like I should have, I’ve been meandering around here for the past few days unwilling to write a good entry or leave you with something special from my heart. I have been spending too much time thinking and feeling. Thinking if I should stay or go, and deciding that yes, it is for the best. Too many painful memories here. Thinking if I should seek one more last fling with someone before I go and decided against that too. Not worth my effort. I had given all of the effort I had before. Thinking about you, and you, and yes, even you. Wondering what I mean to you and if you wish me the best or if you just feel “Good riddance to bad rubbish”
And then just as quickly as all of the thinking came, the emotions came pouring in; and I found myself crying on my bed. So many of you I have such an odd connection to and I am not willing to let that go. I won’t and I can’t. I refuse to let it be. So therefore you shall remain in my heart where you have managed to linger for so long. Your words shall forever be pressed into the farthest reaches of my mind and never forgotten.
Why does it seem so hard to walk away from you? You’re only a person; a lost image on the outreaches of the globe. You’re everywhere. And yet I feel as if I lived right next door to you. Why does this hurt and make me cry? Feelings and emotions- it always has to be a mixture of the two. They seem to walk hand-in-hand don’t they? One just can’t be without the other.
Do you care to know where I will be? Do you really want to know where my road is going to take me? Of course not. But I will take my belongings, my emotions and feelings that are pressing harder into my lungs and hit the road of the unknown and travel to city rescue mission until 2 weeks from today and then I will buy my vehicle and hit the highway to hell to hopefully something better. Do I know where I want to go? Of course I do. Only sad thing is that cars don’t come equipped with wings and I can’t fly, or sail that far to get to you. I know the difference in our time zones, I know where you live, I know your dreams and let downs I know everything about you. I know that its almost nightfall where you are, and that you’re sitting on your porch with a glass of whiskey in your hand, listening to the music flowing from your lounge, smoking another cigarette, waiting for the chemicals to run through your veins. And then when the music stops, you’re cursing the silence as it surrounds you once more.
Yes, I pay attention to everything you say, or feel. I try not to miss a beat. You I shall miss the most. I will miss the passing of our words as they wait, clenching onto the unknown as we wait for our words to embrace one another once again. Your words truly do warm my soul. I love you; now Say Goodbye. Say goodbye and we shall find the way to the outside...
If you look
Life lays out just like a road
It's for us to grab ahold,
There's no one that can tell us no
So come on, baby
Let's just have fun
Let's breathe stardust into our lungs
Let's drive too fast
Let's go too far
When our hearts bleed it lets us know we are - alive
And that we are-doin' fine - Jewel