Lois gets 2 dollars out and orders 2 beers and leaves. The bartender gives me our beers and after a short bit Lois waddles back over to me and says “OoOo! Beer! Did you pay for that?” And I said to her “No. You did” And she says “Did I really?” And looks at Bruce the bartender and asks him if she paid for the drinks and he says yes and she says “Oops! Alrighty then” She was smashed. After a bit she says to me “Drink up! Let’s blow this joint.” So I try to drink my beer as fast I can and I achieved my success without spilling a drop. Lucky me.
Then as we are leaving she stops to talk to this bitch I hate and I said as I slapped her on the back of the head “C’mon miss bitch. The one who was in such a hurry to leave” She tells me to shut my pie hole and that pissed me off just a wee bit and I walked off in the direction of the back door- only stopping to linger at pictures of hotties and got mad because I couldn’t get laid and cursed Steve for all it was worth and spit on the floor on my way out. Yes I spit. A nice big fat loogie.
I finally made my way outside and got in the car and waited for her to come outside. After about what felt like a half hour she emerges out the back door and tries... I mean tries to walk back to the car but looks like a puppet on a string doing a half assed chicken Pee Wee Herman dance. Finally she gets in the car and we drive back to Broadview and we go inside and plop our happy drunk asses down in a booth with 3 other people. I didn’t know a one of em. I bet I made a nice impression.
Who knows how much time passed before we got more beer; but we did and we sat down and drank our night away.
I don’t know much else except for the freak dancing with Lois *eek- that scares me beyond all reason* I remember hearing Pat Benatar being played and me and Lois and Nettie all got out on the dance floor just dancing and having fun when Lois says to me “Chrissy get freaky” and I was like OK! I got down and boogied like my life depended on it for all it was worth, and the next thing I remember was Lois getting behind me and doing freaky funky shit, and Nettie looks at us does her Urk n Jerk thing. She put her hand over her mouth and looked like she was going to puke right there on the floor. I took one look at her and lost it. I was laughing so hard I almost wet my pants. She kept saying “Oh.. my.. goodness..*urk*”
She was a riot.
Some where in the middle of the dance Lois took off and went and kissed the karaoke singer - I think she scared the shit out of the woman. The poor girl was like “Wha…?” And Lois leaned in and gave her big fat wet one on her cheeks and took her hands and squeezed her cheeks. What a tard.
After that we went back to our table and sat down and Lois what so completely fucked up and we sat there carrying on a conversation with people we hardly knew and someone mentioned the song “Fuck fuck fuck” and I said “Who sings that? I don’t know it” And Lois proceeds to do her drunken damage and ravages all of us with laughter by singing “Face down, ass up this is how we like to fuck..” and humped the damn bar table like a sex crazed maniac. Not only did she do it once; but she did it like 5 times in a row. She did it so much that she lost her balance and fell underneath the table and collapsed by my feet and said “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”
Me and this guy that was sandwiched beside her finally managed to pull her back into the booth and we sat there laughing so hard we couldn’t even control ourselves. And then she tells this nasty ass joke about gay guys and talks about them spewing like Niagara Falls. [Nasty bitch] Although at that time it was hysterical. After a while everyone said goodbye and we left as well and I told her I was hungry and that she had to feed me food. So we were walking on our way out and I pulled her by her shirt and made her fall on the floor I had everyone in bar in stitches.
To be continued again…