I'm writing to let you know that I haven't forgotten you. I miss you more than words could ever describe. Only my heart know the true depth of how much it hurts not being able to hear your voice or be able to read your words that spill out across the screen that I have become so accustomed to over the past few months.
I never knew that I could love anyone as much as I do you. I need you so much it hurts. And at night my heart bleeds until I fall asleep from the tears falling from my eyes, with visions of only you dancing in my head.
Even being married as long as I have, I never realized how many boundaries fall in the lines with being in love and loving someone so unconditionally as much as I do you. I could never say in words how much I devote my time alone thinking about you, wishing on so much and so many things. One day I will get to show you I hope. If you will still have me.
I'm not as perfect as the people you see around you on a daily basis. I don't even come anywhere close. Sure, I wish I was thin like any woman, and I try my best to succeed at it; but in the end I always fail.
Steve once told me that I was a beautiful person just that way that I am - and for some crazy odd reason I broke down crying. He asked me what the reason for the tears were, and I told him about you.
I told him how much I wanted to be your perfect everything; but had the sinking feeling that I wouldn't be and that you would be dissappointed in me. He was sincere and nice, but even as hard as he tried to console me, I wished that he was you and only you saying those magical words that were whispering upon my ears. I ache to be your best, and I don't want to fail you - ever.
Please don't let me push you away.
I love you - and you will never leave my mind. I wish that you were here with me right now in this moment of solitude in my mind flowing down stream into my veins as the blood pumps into the channels of my heart; so you could see all of the colors of the rainbow that's neverending as my heart pumps every thought of you into my body.
I can't wait to see you - literally. Even for the first time. I hope that you can see me for who I really am on the inside, looking passed who I am on the outside. I am so far from being perfect. And I wish I was your perfect everything.
Loving you still,
Always