A bouquet of embraces-
The clock struck 12:25 a.m. on 2003-07-17

I sat here tonight and thought of so many things.. Things of what I feel and what I think I am feeling. I am still confused by so many aspects of life. What is the real purpose for being here? Where exactly am I supposed to leave my mark? Am I supposed to stand still as the tides of life wash up onto my feet and cover them with sand, still creating that sinking feeling? Everything in your life starts with you. How you handle a situation determines how you are to be affected by it. It can also determine how those around you are to be affected by it too. Like a candle burning in the night- the effects of its surroundings make it the appearance that becomes the most appealing; Warm, delicate, and sensuous. The same as our surrounding make us. We fit into the image of what we feel surrounding us. If we are feeling something sad or out of place we become that moment inside of us. Is it okay to feel so sad to the point of depression? It doesn’t make us a bad person by any means. It only proves that we are feeling something real.

Someone once made the comment to me that we come into the world with nothing and leave with nothing. Wrong, again.

You come into this life with a name and it is what you do with your name that will make you someone to remember or someone who was never recognized in the first place. It’s up to you to make your time here something of balance or something of weakness. You can create your own happiness or misery. You can become something of yourself for yourself. And maybe with that you will leave an impression on the people that come in contact with you during your time on Earth. You make yourself and your name what you wish and want it to be. Not what others what you be. You can’t become what they wish they would have or could have been. Be yourself and fuck the rest. You can single handedly capture your life and make everything flow from your fingertips and make it all seem like something heavenly, or something just passing. You create your own lyrics to the music you want to be placed in the backdrop on the stage that I call life. You can make your time here feel like forever, or a simple black mass of nothing. Which do you choose to be?

I choose neither of the two actually. I am always going to be stuck in limbo. I will be what I am. And when I leave this world and I leave a good impression on someone then I know that I was a good friend, lover, or whatever. If not – then I have no one to blame for my losses but myself. And what do you believe in? What is the purpose of your existence? What will your story be? Or does this stupid little girl sound senseless to you?

Maybe if you take a while to think about your actions instead of reactions you will find some kind of definite purpose in yourself.

So until you do; here’s bouquet of embraces to be held in your arms-

Before Won't After

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